Ugh! Everyone's asking me to do stuff for them. I'm doing everything for everyone! I'm so angry. What about MY things?! I have to do my stuff too! If I help someone that means I get less time to do my things and then I get frustrated and upset then I don't feel like doing my own work anymore and that means I don't ever do it and then when it's time for the exam I have to cram! I then I get even more upset and binge. Stupid. I hate my life.
My mother told me something I will never forget: "Before you can help others, you have to help yourself first."
ReplyDeleteI had thought when I was younger that this was a selfish thought but after some time it made sense...
Loaning someone money is dangerous if you have very little; you may need it for food. If you end up giving all your money you might starve, and cannot help anyone in the future.
Sometimes it is best to focus on what you really need to do. Make a list of all the important things to you. Not just jobs or school, but fun activities. Then, put them in order of importance (job for money, play for sanity..).
When someone asks you for help, look at your list and see if something that is really important on it needs to be done still. Sometimes you can get away with asking someone to join you in a task "Hey I have to rake the leaves at my moms today. I know you want to do something with me today, so why not come over and help? We can even jump in the leaves!!"
Or you can always say "Sure I will do this for you, but I would like something in return..."
*Pick an option*
1. "Can you help me with this project?"
2. "If I do this for you, I would like you to donate a (usually a couple, depending on the task) dollars to (name) charity."
Usually on the second one few decline the offer, and usually will be more willing to help out next time or worry about their own affairs.
Usually saying yes often is a sign that you don't want to insult anyone. Though it is great to be open for everyone, many don't appreciate your kindness and may take advantage; using up all your energy till you have nothing left to give, then they move on looking for more "yes people" without a care for you.
Some days all you can do is say no. Like, when you're sick. You can barely think, let alone help them with their studies; you're so nausious you might just hurl on their assignments...
In that moment you know you can't help, and you don't feel guilty. Try keeping that thought that some days you *need* to say "No" for your health!
And don't worry about excuses, people have a way of working around them and making you feel even guiltier that you didn't say yes to them earlier. If you don't want to do it...just say "No, I don't want to help you with this. *omit excuse*"
People may whine and Bi#@h but if they care about you they won't hate you for standing your ground!
If you need to get away from them to think about if you really want to help, say "I am not sure if I want to, give me a day to think about it." or "Let me check my calendar first and I will get back to you with an answer".
Good luck, and may you find your peace!